Taking a break from schoolwork for a moment—let’s talk about birthdays.

For those of you who celebrate the occasion, have you had to change how you approach it with your student?

For us, we started out with fairly typical, large-gathering-style birthdays. When our daughter was 3 and 4, we noticed her interest in the party was very short-lived—she’d get upset and want to leave. We also found that when attending indoor family gatherings, our time there was often limited. Later, we learned this was likely due to sensory overload, along with many other things we've come to understand since then.

But we still wanted to celebrate our daughter’s birthday in a way she would enjoy. We ended up having two celebrations. One is indoors with just us (her parents), both sets of grandparents, and her aunt and uncle. It’s still a full house, but with a set, predictable schedule—lunch, presents, cake, and song—our daughter seems happy and engaged, and the whole event can last 4–5 hours.

The other celebration is a day at my cousin’s pool with several little cousins our daughter knows well. We keep decorations simple, have lunch, share another treat and a song—and she has a wonderful time doing something she loves, surrounded by familiar faces.

It took time to figure out what needed to change—what our daughter enjoyed, what worked, and what didn’t. Honestly, the concept of birthday parties didn’t really seem to click for her until she was around 7 or 8.

It can be a new—and sometimes difficult—thing for us as parents to learn. We may have expectations for how our child’s birthdays would go as they grew up. I’m someone who loves to plan, host, and decorate for events, and I had to shift those expectations. In the end, I altered them for the better.

I recently asked a couple of other moms that are regulars to our Q&A Sessions with Mr. Sims for any tips or examples of how they have ‘alternative’ birthdays: 

Monika shares, “Anthony’s birthdays are going in the ‘go with a flow’ of the moment. We don’t even bother to make him traditional cake anymore…instead I always put together his favorite treat at the moment….decorate it on fancy plate and put candle in the middle…so one year it was his favorite cookies he started to like during previous Christmas, next year it was his favorite gummy bears he started to like with cookies around, one year when he started to eat pizza we decorated pizza….”

Misty shared, “Jace is most comfortable around family especially when he was younger so we had several at home, neighborhood pool etc.”

And Heather had this to share, "Last year we hosted a private screening at our local AMC theaters for Tosh's birthday. It's not as expensive as you'd think: we had 30 guests plus drink/snack vouchers for $450, about the same price as the trampoline park or Chuck E Cheese. Everyone had the best time, because nobody had to worry about sitting still, being quiet or bothering people who don't understand autism. Tosh was able to sit in the very top row with just his friends, a memorable teenager rite of passage. For some friends, it was their first time watching a movie in a theater."

Below is a little at-a-glance look at some different approaches to birthday celebrations if you are looking for some ideas.

🎂 Alternative Birthday Celebration Ideas🎂

1️⃣ Sensory-Friendly Birthday at Home

Instead of a busy, loud party, create a calm and predictable celebration at home.

✅ Dim lighting or use string lights
✅ Play soft music or their favorite calming sounds
✅ Use sensory bins, fidgets, or weighted blankets as part of the “party”
✅ Let them help decorate in their own time

2️⃣ Favorite Activity Day

Think about what your child loves most. Instead of a traditional party, build the whole day around their favorite activity.

✅ A long walk in the park
✅ Swimming time
✅ A favorite movie marathon
✅ Trampoline play or sensory gym visit

3️⃣ Just Family (or Small Circle)

Big crowds can be too much.

✅ Keep it to immediate family
✅ Include only the people your child is most comfortable with
✅ Prepare those guests in advance about how to keep things calm and supportive

4️⃣ Outdoor, Low-Pressure Gathering

Nature can be regulating for many autistic kids.

✅ Backyard picnic
✅ Beach or park trip
✅ Nature walk with quiet time

5️⃣Celebrate Without Expectations

Remember, the point is celebrating your child—not checking off traditions.

✅ If they don’t want cake—skip it
✅ If singing “Happy Birthday” feels overwhelming—don’t
✅ Let them lead the way

Jennifer Bullock, Contributing Author

Homeschooling-experienced mom to a tween, non-speaking daughter, Jennifer is also Marketing Outreach Coordinator for The Autism Oasis. With 20+ years experience in marketing, advertising, and social media communications, you will see her occasionally supporting the blog and social media channels with various content related to Autism Oasis.